so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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