Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize