she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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