And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
