apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
