I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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