If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
