I've blown a few things in my day
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
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the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
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I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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