Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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