dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
