I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
