is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
