The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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