How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
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Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
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Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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