feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
