that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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