So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
