YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
