he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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