you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
