Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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