i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She said her name was "party"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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