Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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