I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize