The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
