We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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