The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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