Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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