can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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