Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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