Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
