I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
