the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
