You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
