I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
