Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
