I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
