Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
