Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
