There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
