no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
