I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
