I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
