Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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