Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
