He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
