careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
