Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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