Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
