There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
