One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
