Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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