Betty ford says i'm here all night
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
