My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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