Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
