It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
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