wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
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