it wasn't lemon gatorade
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
