i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
