she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
