I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
