dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
