I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
