Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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