you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
