I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
