My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
it hurts more in the daytime
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
