If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
