How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
