i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
