btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
