Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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