can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
