Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.

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  (908): she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up. http://tfl.nu/hjpb
  Replies (24) Good night (4117) Bad night (1137)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.

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  (724): I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car. http://tfl.nu/2u4v
  Replies (17) Good night (4676) Bad night (801)
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  (951): View more from California

  My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?

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  (951): My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate? http://tfl.nu/77q7
  Replies (77) Good night (7228) Bad night (1370)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...

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  (516): I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"... http://tfl.nu/s1bt
  Replies (13) Good night (921) Bad night (4246)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already

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  (401): hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already http://tfl.nu/dz2h
  Replies (7) Good night (2868) Bad night (973)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.

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  (484): so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey. http://tfl.nu/h1y9
  Replies (7) Good night (3519) Bad night (860)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.

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  (732): I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds. http://tfl.nu/t1fp
  Replies (4) Good night (1881) Bad night (768)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.

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  (808): Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful. http://tfl.nu/6ueo
  Replies (10) Good night (2527) Bad night (996)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?

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  (406): Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom? http://tfl.nu/1vyx
  Replies (10) Good night (713) Bad night (2472)
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  (626): View more from California

  So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.

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  (626): So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential. http://tfl.nu/3n2i
  Replies (5) Good night (2821) Bad night (733)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.

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  (336): Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army. http://tfl.nu/tv7a
  Replies (11) Good night (1045) Bad night (931)
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.

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  (506): I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow. http://tfl.nu/72sd
  Replies (3) Good night (536) Bad night (935)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.

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  (609): Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles. http://tfl.nu/ptzf
  Replies (4) Good night (449) Bad night (619)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  What's his name?

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  (717): There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night.. (1-717): What's his name? http://tfl.nu/21c3
  Replies (3) Good night (821) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance

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  (609): At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance http://tfl.nu/2g0o
  Replies (2) Good night (182) Bad night (285)

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