you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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