sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome