yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
