No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man