he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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