I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
