i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
